frncoverWhiteNot Your Mother’s Goose proves that fairy tales and nursery rhymes aren’t just for kids anymore. Envision it as the Cliffs Notes of children’s stories — if Cliffs Notes was overtaken by Dave Barry or the folks at The Onion. Not Your Mother’s Goose is a series of totally irreverent, mega-sarcastic fairy tale recaps, along with a host of hilarious fake news stories and headlines ranging from Rapunzel getting a bikini wax to Old MacDonald bombing on Wheel of Fortune after only buying vowels. Mix in illustrations reminiscent of Gary Larson’s classic Far Side cartoons, and you’re left with a madcap read that will leave you laughing all the way from Rumpelstiltskin’s Twitter feed to Humpty Dumpty’s Facebook page (where Jack is still trying to grow a beanstalk—in FarmVille).

Chapter Previews


The story of Aladdin is part of the famous Arabian Nights collection, along with such well-known tales as Ali Babi and the 40-Minute Wait for a Technical Support Representative Who Doesn’t Speak English and Sinbad the Stand-up Comedian.

Aladdin starts off as a poor ne’er-do-well street urchin that spends his days annoying his fellow citizens, lying, and taking money out of other people’s pockets. Basically, he’s a U.S. Senator in a fez. Unfortunately, in Aladdin’s world, this is not a very lucrative lifestyle.

Things take a surprising turn for the better, however, when Aladdin’s friendly neighborhood evil sorcerer dupes him into retrieving an enchanted lamp from an ill-tempered magic cave. Along the way, Al runs into some minor issues with the cave’s security system (which more or less tries to eat him), but he dinks and dodges his way to safety. He then tells the sorcerer “finders keepers” and holds on to the loot himself, ending the day plus-one in the lamp department. And still alive. Not bad.

3PigsWolfSantaThe Three Little Pigs
Actually, while most folks assume that the pigs ate the wolf, rumors persist that he actually survived and went on to eat Little
Red Riding Hood and her grandmother. According to the National Enquirer, he recently was seen at a Burger King in Kalamazoo, Michigan, riding in a blue van being driven by Elvis. He’s also rumored to be working on a new autobiography with O.J. Simpson’s ghostwriter titled If I Ate Them, Here’s How They Tasted.